Alone but Good

I think I have to make it on my own this time.  Leave behind the world and start fresh.  Alone, separate, on my own two feet without.....connection, hurt, nor pain.  


Separate without jealousy, greed, or fear.
Without resentment.  
Without feeling like I am losing every time.


Alone but good.

Choices

Where do you go when it all hurts?  I want to run so far and so away from everyone and everything I know and start with a blank slate.  Start with me and only me.  Live in the woods, alone, with sweet dogs.  Leave people out of the equation.  Read, breathe, sing, sleep.  Me, alone for a long while.  Then I could guarantee there would be no hurt just loneliness, but no hurt.

Fighting the Good Fight

Sometimes fighting the good fight is over rated.  Not every good fight is a worthwhile fight.  Every once in awhile the very fact that you are fighting is the problem.  The warrior striding out into battle, never lays his weapon down, because if in fact they did, the likelihood is that they would become the martyr.  The separation of the cause.  

Nothing would change, you would be standing in the battlefield without deflection.  Without safety, without defense.  The only course of action at that point would be accept it all, accept the defeat or the oncoming situation as it were.  Accept that you are powerless or in your sacrifice could convince yourself in and of itself was powerful.

Accept the fact that nothing would ever change.  Nothing would ever be any different whether you fought the good fight or ended the good fight.  A sacrifice.  A simple event.

Or is that giving up after dreaming, living the Warrior's Way?  To what end will we come to in this acceptance of this world.  What happens when the fighter stops the fight?

Ways of the Zen Master

Life is humbling.  People are fickle.  Our minds wrapped in a million directions at once how can you trust in words?  How can you trust in self judgment and betterment, without leaving yourself to the wayside?  How many learning experiences must be passed through before the learning is done, before the lesson is no longer a lesson but the practice of the Zen Master.  And to think we would ever be the master of anything other then our own conscience?  Of our own breath? Of our own heart beating?  We can't even master that.

The only thing right now that is solid, resolute, unchanging are the necks of the dogs I have wrapped myself around, to bask only in their love.  That is real and in exchange I get to take the best care of them that a human possibly can.  I am the Zen Master of scooping dog poop and that is enough.

To tomorrow, that life will be just that, beautiful, solid, resolute..........

www.roamthewoods.com

Understanding

I don't understand what to say to someone when a loved one dies.  It will be okay, with time.  I'm sorry.  I'm here.  All sometimes inadequate, to the grief you feel on your own trying to poorly console, share a chocolate donut.  I'm sorry reaches no bounds, does not touch the feeling of wanting to make it right, with no right answer.
I love you.  What next?  Grief's knife etches brilliant patterns across salty tears tonight.  Somewhere, everywhere.  Here.  Not my own grief but shared in the million mistakes I have made, alongside of the good I have tried to wrought.  Here in pieces tonight, it burns my eyes.

www.roamthewoods.com

Ode for Siletta

Time is fleeting.  We all know this.  "Live everyday as if it was your last", self help books catch phrase, all lined up in perfect rows, hogging bookshelves.  It is hard to live this, we embrace the normalcy of every day, as if every day that followed will be just another day.  In which although our lives are not perfect there is enough good, to lead us on another day.  Enough bad that we can leave behind and hope or create a tomorrow that is a little better.  Or at least the same. 

We can seek comfort in those things that do not change.  We seek comfort in the fluffy fur of our true best friends, the ones that pass no judgement and hold no grudges.  The ones that rain or shine, end up on our doorsteps, on the edge of the bed imploring us to love them like they love us.

So in the end, cry.  Let the life they lead be honored and valued, let your love truly be that love without bounds.  Love that does not shift nor end, love for a best friend with sleek fur.

www.roamthewoods.com

Your on Your Own

This is Scooter, one of my favorite girls from New Hampshire.  Super shy, stayed one of those last nights cause she got off and I was the only one there that she would come back to. 

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
— Dr. Seuss
www.roamthewoods.com