Almost time to rest.

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If I had realized,

that I was hanging hopes for nothing,

dreaming of dreams in plural instead of singular.

If I had been myself.

I would have re-defined the art of solitude.

Instead of extending my boundaries of patience

for one person.

Testing my self worth on whims

of fickle personality.

I sold myself out a long time ago

for a chance.

A chance that was never a true chance

at anything.

Now, again, I am in the waiting space.

And I don't want to wait.

I am not fighting the good fight anymore.  I am fighting to survive.  Fighting to find out what one singular thing means to me.  Finding out it may not mean anything at all and that broken is broken.  No matter how many ways you have patched it up.  For now dreaming is a good background for living.

What next?

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I would like to know the truth.  

Not segments or fragments, that I get to piece together

to create a story.

Not minute puzzle pieces that are gaping with holes.

I want to know the whole story

so my decisions

can have a solid foundation.

Contentment

Contentment is

two memories, enjoying the Spring warmth in Kentucky, after what always seemed like a long winter.  Soaking in the sun while laying in the grass next to my brothers dog, Diega after a good run and a great game of ball throwing.

Taking a nap in the sun, on bales of hay, we just loaded by hand on to the flat bed dog truck with a friend.  The tiredness of good work, the brilliant warmth of the sun, good company, and the best sleep.

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Being alone would be okay for right now.

Perfection

I feel broken.  Yoda is unspeakably perfect in all his imperfect ways.  Broken him, no never.  He still has the capacity for love and friendship with humans, which is a lot more then I feel I have right now.

Apache Blessing

For now I have no words, but all blessings my friends.

May the sun bring you new energy by day. 

May the moon softly restore you by night. 

May the rain wash away your worries. 

May the breeze blow new strength into your being. 

May you walk gently through the world and know it's beauty all the days of your life. 

- Apache blessing

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Being human is not enough.


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